Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
