you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
