Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
