So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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