He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Let's paint friendship bongs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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