Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
