What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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