I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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