Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
