Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
