i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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