all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
