Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
