I smell stomach acid.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
