So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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