"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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