I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
