first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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