Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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