Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i think i just lost a toe
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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