At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
