What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
