Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
