He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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