Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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