I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize
