Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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