So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
