she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And then he peed in my hair
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