Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
