and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
