I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
