You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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