you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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