I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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