I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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