WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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