I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
