yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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