the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
