Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
