I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
