Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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