i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
