I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
