I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
mondays should just be called national damage control day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
