imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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