I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I cannot find my penis.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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