do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
