My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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