Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
