Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
