Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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