omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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