Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
no you cant smoke seaweed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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