I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
